Smoke & Mirrors

Just re-read some of my old posts. It's like watching a movie in fast forward, kinda entertaining in a way... a little depressing but entertaining.

Here I am, at my job (at 3:45 in the morning, for I work the graveyard shift). So far, mellow night, and let me tell exactly how OK I am with that. :) No thrills, no codes, and lucky me, I'm in chemistry. That means I don't have to sign my name to anything that might just kill someone tonight, unlike my poor co-worker in blood bank.

So yes, the highlight of this post is that I have a job! I'm employed and payed and told to do stuff on a regular basis and don't have to go to classes anymore!!! Yay me!

Hopefully, things are good for everyone else out in never-never-land. Because I really don't want you to end up here. (That might mean I have to DO something, egads, perish the thought.) No, just because I've got a slight enough lull at this brief moment in time, don't think that there isn't plenty to do here. I'm busy usually all night in this hospital lab.

So, take care and sleep tight.

Life kinda blows lately. Here's the short version.

We could term this portion of my life as "Limbo" and I don't exist well in limbo. Everything super important to me except my relationship is in flux and has been for far, far too long. It's starting to wear on me, I can feel the depression seeping out of its little steel box and fuck it, it hurts.

I miss my friends. This town has never been easy living for me. Vermin, much as I hated it and wanted out, contained my friends.

I've had two friends this year go to the mental ward for attempted suicide.

I miss my certainty about what I was doing with my life. I hate, hate, hate job hunting. Passionately hate it. Give me an interview and I can usually charm my way into a job but I look like a piece of crap on paper applications.

My uterus is surrounded by a zone of fail. My girl-bits all hate me but my uterus in particular has a real issue. I'm fairly convinced it's trying to kill me in a extremely insidious way. The only parts I haven't had to cut-up or partially removed are my ovaries and their days are numbered as I plan to have a tubal ligation performed someday.

Hope. Hope hurts the most. Fuck you, Pandora, you should have left the fucking box alone.

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of doctors. I am SO tired of stress and school and pretty much everything. I'm tired of living at home. (Although I must say it has a few upsides, some of which include hot tea and fresh oatmeal chocolate chip cookies when you feel like a sack of shit that can walk and talk.)

I'm even scared to start drinking at this point...

but I've fallen out of the habit of posting here. Seems a lot of the people I used to catch up with on here have also quit the LJ stuff. But I'm dropping back in for the moment.

Kiddo has pulled a couple of firsts this weekend. #1: Reading!! Yes they're just sight-word books but still, he READS! Doesn't get much better than when your 3-year old reads you a story or 4...

#2: Stitches!! So, this one, not so much fun. Pretending to take a shower in the bath tub while mommy cleans the bathroom. I'm just about to tell him to vamoose so I can clean out the tub when he slips and beans the ledge with his chin. Scarface now has 3 stitches in his chin and has broken the family records on both sides for youngest trip to the ER for stitches. Good news is two-fold; it's going to be pretty much unnoticeable since it's on the underside of his chin and chicks dig scars.

is stitch.
or play on the computer.
or read (except I don't have a book picked out).
is get monster to go to sleep.
is drink, heavily.
is have the trailer sell, quickly and for much money.
is get a paycheck.

is to have Cid home next to me.


I don't want to do homework or work in the lab all day tomorrow. Or run to the bank tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to pay bills. I don't want to worry about what I'm taking for lunch tomorrow. I don't want to be in school anymore. I don't want anymore drama for a while.

and on my day off, encouraged me to sleep in until noon. I will try and redeem myself by actually doing some things yet today. I have already started dinner rolls to rising for dinner tonight (bean and ham soup) and made an impromptu yet genius leftover's curry.

Things I also need to do include: cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming, doing dishes, a load of laundry or two, and making up a grocery list before picking up kiddo from daycare.

Things I'd like to do include screwing around on the computer and stitching, maybe playing a game for an hour or two (maybe during laundry...) or watching some TV (although nothing is on during the daytime that I want to watch, so maybe not).

I got a job, like a real one! It's official, I'll be hanging around Vermin for the summer and working in Yank-town at the medical clinic there as a lab lackey.

Guard your arms, Yanktonites, they're making me draw blood...

But I'll be doing phlebotomy, finger sticks, running chemistry machines and doing blood counts, swabbing plates and staining slides. All for a decent wage... but wait, there's more!

Since is all set up through the SD Dept of Labor's summer stimulus program, they may also be helping me pay for gas to get to work! AND helping me buy a couple sets of uniforms/scrubs and a pair of work shoes! AND they may try to hook us up with some daycare assistance!

Holy $#!^, I love these people!

Now to get Cid gainfully employed for the summer...

Things get so bad, so quick. Truly...

I got sick, a little nose trickle Monday night. By Tuesday night I was visiting not only Student Health/Death but the ER for mild shock and dehydration. Some bacterial sinus infection I caught. Although, to be fair, it was the antibiotics prescribed by the P.A. at the clinic that were my body's final straw. I.V. fluids work wonders. I'm slowly getting better, hoping to get into work Thursday afternoon.

Cid's having work issues. The job hunt begins again...

The Jeep needs a new(er) transmission. This means $500 or so that we don't have...

And there's still the whole selling the trailer/moving thing yet to do. *sigh*

I'd like to say things can't get worse but that's beyond tempting fate. I will continue to hope for things to improve.

Lunch was awesome!  Curse came down and joined us which really pleased me.  I think it pleased him too, as the meal was fabulous!  Not too bad for my first attempt cooking a big holiday dinner.  I win at cooking! 

Basement is really shaping up, almost everything is painted.  It's bigger than the trailer we live in now by about 100 sq ft and everything is brand new...

It'll be good.


*I wrote this post once with much more detail but it didn't show up.  That's why this one is so short...

So last week was the first time in close to months that I'd been down to karaoke, good times had by all.  I got to see some old friends, met some new friends, was loaned a fairly awesome book, and got to sing a little (tried out a new song, went very well).

This week, I popped in again to hang out with curse, DOM, and BET... and was astounded by the stupidity of drunks all over again.  Drunken sorority girls broke one of the microphones, one man had drank himself into Tourette's syndrome and he was freaking out, and then there was the winner of the evening...

Curly haired "nerd" (his own description) in a Hawaiian shirt tried hitting on me when I went up to pay out my tab:

Nerd: *grabs me*  Come dance.
Me: *pulls away* I don't dance, broken hip.
Nerd: It's okay, I'm a nerd.  (What kind of drunken logic does that make?)
Me: Good for you.  I'm going home.
Nerd:  No, it's okay.  I'll buy you a beer.
Me:  No, I'm going home, to my 3 year old.  It's late.
Nerd's friend: Let it be man, let it be...

At this point, I had paid up.  I walked away, said some final good byes and headed out the door.  Nerd boy followed me, got smacked in the head by the door since I didn't hold it for him, and followed me over to my car across the street.  This whole time, he's fighting to put on his coat, it seemed to be trying to wrap itself around his head...  Of course, my car is rather obvious, as it wasn't exactly a packed night and my car was by itself.  I get there, he immediately goes around to the passenger side and starts trying to open the locked door. 

Me:  Dude, seriously, do you need something?  Can I call you a cab?
Nerd:  No.
Me:  Because I'm going home, to my family.
Nerd:  I think we've been in this position before...
Me:  Goodnight. 

I got in my car and locked it because he started coming around the front of the car.  After I started it up, he finally headed back to the bar.  He had finally got his coat on by the way, too bad it was on upside-down.  How creepy and pathetic! 

I don't get it, no mixed signals, not overly dressed up by a long shot, wearing a hat (so not showing off my purdy mug to the world)... I stood next to the guy for maybe 3-4 minutes and said "no" and that's a cue to try and hop in my car with me?!?  WTF, seriously!

Weirded me out completely.  Now I feel like I should have someone walk out to my car with me for a while.  Fucking great...  Last person that pulled this kind of crap I really had issues with and wound up taking to court.  Thank goodness I've always been paranoid enough to lock my car doors...

Here are 5 things missdoom associates with me:  Needlepoint - school - kids - hotels - summer.
Here's what I think it means...

Needlepoint:  I stitch.  I make things, sometimes they're even pretty.  I do it in public too, and she would see me stitching at work.  I still can't seem to sew buttons on straight, though, and don't even ask me to darn socks...

School:  I'm in school.  I've been in school for ages now.  I graduate with something new every 5 years...

Kids:  Truly, this shouldn't be plural, since I only have 1 BUT he is cuter than 4 kids put together and bigger than most others his age too.

Hotels:  I worked in hotels, especially in the past couple years most of my jobs have been at the desk in hotels.  Funny, considering how much I despise people most days.

Summer:  Summer is the end of my library tenure and when I move out of Vermillion.  *Sigh*  I'll miss you, missdoom.


If you would like (and most of you probably won't), comment to me and I will give you a list of 5 things I associate with you and you can tell me what they mean.